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Awesomeness (In the Flesh)
My Shadow is My Graffiti
Never 
9th-Feb-2011 01:04 am
Angsty Vampire
Went home last Friday. EXACTLY seven months in. No Chris yet.


I don't let myself like boys anymore. Seems it never works out. Went face-first with Jay, and every boy after that hasn't worked. There was also that insanely awkward spell with Jessie.....
So anyway, Sam Fass. Here we go: he asked me out about three random weeks ago over a text, when I had just met him, like, legit, three days before. I found it desperate and stupid, and said no right away, of course. I love my friends to death, so to be my boi you gotta be something special lol. I know that sounds like high standards for someone who can't afford them, but hey, I'm sorry. I believe in love before labels.
Seems like he doesn't, cause he's had about for girlfriends in the last three weeks, and he's always taling about a "Possible" girlfriend. Yet he doesn't seem like a player......
Once he's called me cute, I think, over text. I've found people say a lot more when they arn't face to face. Kinda sad. Moving on, I denied it, of course. I mean, I will stare into the mirror for an hour, studying my jawline and my eyes and my eyebrows. I'll make faces and pick out the ones I, myself, think are cute. However, that doesn't mean I actually am attractive. I just find keeping an ego gives you a raincoat for the insults.
So we were gunna hang out today. In the morning he said he couldn't, yet he runs up onto my bus with a simple "I'm coming over" and I was like "Sure? lol okay."'
Can't believe my mom let me in my room. Alone. With the door shut. FAIL. LMFAO.
WOAH WOAH WOAH.
Not like we did anything. ^L^ I had never even held a long conversation with him until today.
A couple times I thought of it - ya know, in passing. Like "Oh, the door is shut. THE THINGS THAT CAN BE DONE WHEN THE DOOR IS SHUT AHURHURHUR" XD
He talked about music non-stop I've learned. Screamo. That's it. :I Tad bit annoying, I guess. Not as annoying as when Tom and I are both trying to be stubborn asses, but still lol.
So I drive him home and he texts me later, and he says, exactly, "Heyyyy lol can I tell u aomething"
"Sure"
"Uk wen we were in ur room?"
"Yeah???" I felt something murmuring in the pit of my stomach, warning me.
"I wanted 2 kiss u but i wasnt sure howd u react so i didnt"
I was at the mall, and my mama was buying me a new phone since my old one was gunna get shut off soon. I stared at the words for a long time, silently.  I thought about his girlfriend habits, how we'd been alone in my room, how he'd been quick to ask me out, etc. I just kinda looked at those misspelled words and wished I was anyone but me, because I really don't deserve anyone.
Simply because I do not trust anyone exept for Jay and Gina. All I can think of is how they're probably lying and just trying to be a lady killer, even if they're genuine. I hate it.
Moving on, I didn't reply for a long while. He wrote "u there" and I felt really bad. Still didn't know what to say, even though I wasn't at a loss anymore, so I waited some more and apologized with the excuse of having a new phone.
He asked if I got his last texts. Yup. Told him I didn't know how I'd react. He thought I'd slap him. Told him I probably wouldn't've (LOOK WHAT STEVEN GOT AWAY WITH!) and that I had never been kissed (PSHHHH not where it counted at least.....Now I sound like Kurt...No wonder Nancy's Sam and I'm the gay one...). He said "So ud let me kiss u nd not slap me". Somehow, that restating of the facts made me feel....not good. And when I said yes reluctantly he just said "kk lol." WTF!?
Couldn't believe he'd want to kiss me, and I said that.
Called me kissable and lovable and cute.
I denied that.
Said he loved me already.
I doubted it.
Talked a few hours later. Poked him over a text.
Kissed me over a text.
Whined and playfully slapped him over a text.
And for the rest of the night we talked about his nonexistant dad, his bitchy mom. He wasn't in a good mood. Called him after Glee, since he asked me too, (OMYGAWDDDDDD WHYYY!?!?! I SWEAR DAVE BETTER END UP WITH KURTTTTT) and we tlked a bit. Nothing important.
Didn't get to say goodnight.





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